Germs.

don't touch that.

You know, germs are a funny thing. We all have them, fear them, sanitize to prevent spreading them, yet we cannot see them or really know where they are coming from. Toys have them, I suppose. So do shoes, lollypops dropped on the floor, or anything that comes out of (or even near) the garbage can. If it falls out of or was ever inside one's nose, it has germs. If you cough on it, germs. But really, no matter how many times you wash your hands, they're everywhere, and you can never really be sure how your kids get them. 

Here are 3 occurrences this week in which Max has definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY been exposed to germs.

The first, and arguably worst offense:

On Monday while taking pictures of all our wild kids with Laci and Chelsea, I set max down in front of a cute brown door on an old brick building. there was grass dirt, little puddles and other miscellaneous clutter laying around. Which must explain why I didn't see it.

There I was, snapping away at my smiling round cheeked boy, watching as he leaned over and reached his little hand down so he could crawl away. My eyes followed his fingers, down past his new blue shirt, past his jeans, over some rocks and onto A DECOMPOSING BLACK BIRD. 

{cue gagging noises and dry heaves. in fact, feel free to throw up fully now.} 

How I didn't see it, I don't know, but I didn't.  None of us did. I guess it just blended in with the dark dirt. Anyhow. I saw it and gasped just as he set his chubby hand on that filthy germ infested piece of rot. Immediately I scooped him up and yelled to my friends 

"MAX JUST TOUCHED A DEAD BIRD!" 

I am sure this was followed by all other sorts of expletives and other such unrepeatables. I don't really remember, as I am still trying to blot the whole experience from my memory. Thankfully, my friends came to the rescue, offering a plethora of baby wipes and reassurance. I think the most comforting thing was Chelsea, who said, "Really Jessica, its okay if you want to cry right now. Because I probably would." The best part was that she was serious. I didn't cry (though I considered it), but after a few minutes, I did scream. I had to. 

Second offense. Of course, it happened at church, and of course it happened in the NURSERY. 

Danny and I BOTH work in the nursery at chuch. Why? I don't really know, but we do. We had it worked out so that during the winter flu, cough, cold, snot, GERM season, one of us would go to nursery and the other would watch Max. ELSEWHERE. But, spring is here, and we decided it was time for a fresh start. We both stayed in nursery with Max this week. Big mistake. He survived the madness, was tough when he got clobbered by a big kid (twice. on purpose) while he sat innocently catching the bubbles, he didn't cry when all the other kids did, he didn't even get upset when the other kids took his snacks. Success, we thought. Wrong. 

We were getting all of the toys put away, waiting for the last few stragglers to come pick up their kids. Max was holding a mini etch-a-sketch, the last toy to go into the basket. When I took it away, he freaked. Ooooooh he was mad at me. He wanted that etch-a-sketch. I bent over to pick him  up and noticed he was still clutching something tightly in his hand. I peeled open his clenched fist and saw a little brown clump of something. 

No. It can't be. 

I smelled. 

It is. 

He was holding a little piece of poo. I checked his diaper. Nothing. The poo did not belong to Max. Max's diaper was clean. I had just changed it myself. MY KID WAS CRUISING AROUND THE NURSERY WITH A HANDFUL OF SOME OTHER DISGUSTING GERM INFESTED NURSERY KID'S POO. 

Again, I announced it. Again, pandemonium. Check the other kids diapers. Nope. Dig through the toys? Desperately search for the hand sanitizer. 

The only thing I could think of was the smell. We had noticed it earlier in the day, but couldn't find our culprit. The smelly kid must have reached down for a scratch, then touched the etch-a-sketch. Can't think of any alternate scenarios. Don't really want to.

Last, but not least in terms of germ exposure.

Found Max splashing in the toilet bowl again this morning. 

Was planning on cleaning it later today. 

Awesome.