Makeyawannavomit Grand Prize Germ Winners!

Second Runner up.

spenceandcass said...

Ava has been doing something really strange lately. If you didn't already know.... most 3 year olds pick their boogers and eat them...it's just a fact of life and I have finally learned to accept it. So lately when I have noticed her sniffing her fingers and then licking them, I really didn't think too much of it. Well one day last week I noticed her digging in her pants...scratching inside her bum....and then ....yep...you guessed it....she sniffed her fingers and licked them off! I said, "Ava! What are you doing?" She said, "Mooooom!, I'm just cleaning off my fingers!" So Jessica, get ready because this is definitely not the last nasty thing Max will ever do. I am sure of it!

Cassie, you win these!

High quality stuffed microbe toys for you and Ava to play with - the ailment collection! ***

You know if this is Second Runner Up, the rest are going to be BAD. Props to Yoga Cassie, because she shared one about her own offspring. That's why I gave her so many "sickness" dolls. They're like extra rewards.

If the next two stories ARE about their kids, they were too ashamed to admit it. I do not blame them.

First Runner Up:

sheena said...
"I really didn't want to tell this story....but now you're forcing me to. Luckily, it was not my son....I would've ran away. Or died.

My sis's friends 4yr old went in to the (public) bathroom stall by himself and came out with a tampon aplicator.....IN HIS MOUTH.

I'm sorry."

So am I Sheena. That's why I am giving you these:

a stuffed Hepatitus C *** (spread through body fluids you know)

and

The MRSA staph infection doll. Complete with cute vampire like cape.***

GRAND FIRST PRIZE WINNER:

I'm not going to lie, it was reeeeal tough choosing between Christy and Sheena, but this one got lots of votes, and she shared this story without even being asked. I hope you have a puke bowl handy.

christy said...
"Just so you won't feel so bad about the bird:

My friend Tami was with her son at the park when she noticed that he had something "stringy-ish" hanging out of his mouth. Upon further inspection, it was . . .

A DEAD MOUSE!

Yep, you read that right. That 'something "stringy-ish"' was of course the mouse's tail, which means the entire rotting corpse was in the toddler's mouth. Gotta love the age of putting things in your mouth.So the bird could have been worse! :o)"

Christy, I don't feel bad about the bird anymore. Not even a little. I also did not even bat an eyelash when Max ate a goldfish cracker off the floor at the Wilkinson center - BYU. 

You Win!!!!!!!!

The "menageries" set; namely Rabies, Mange and Heartworm ***

And the oh so coveted

EBOLA VIRUS***

Thus concluding the GERM series.

I promise.

Thank you.

***all prized were won and given in the virtual sense. no actual, physical  microbe dolls will be sent to winners. if you must have these babies for yourself, they are available at  www.giantmicrobes.com***

disgusting-er

{my nephew Cody. he's a gross one too.}

Well, my spirits are lifted. I thought my kid was gross until I read all the sick things all my friends children did. I feel much better about both my child's potential to make it to his second year and myself as a mother. I love all of you who stepped up to share your sickening stories with me. I loved it!  Thanks guys for all the support during this trying and emotional time. I am taking  time to heal and regroup. Max somehow seems utterly unaffected by it all. 

The funniest thing is that my germ post received more comments (27) than any other post ever! haha! I had to share some of the sickest ones for your reading pleasure. 

kristin bishop said...
oh-another quick one. SORRY! at christmas....we were all snackin on choc. covered raisins...my favorite. Jarom changed jaxsons diaper...announced that his poop were little pebbles and we may need to give him juice. Hours later...while we are playing cards and my dad is laying on teh family room floor stretched out in front of the fire...her finds a "CHOC. covered raisin" and raises it to his lips...when he stops and realized this is in fact...a piece of jaxson's POOP. can you believe it????

see your not alone!

hahahahaha


cassie said...
oh don't you worry. Asher picked up a bird last fall at a park, with his bare hands. i FREAKED.

he's never touched poo though... that's just sick... i can't even imagine. i would have died!


anonymous (my Aunt Laura) said...
jess, just imagine annika and her cute thumb sucking habit, and all the disgusting stuff she sucks off. eewww.. but - when bj and becca were little, playing at the mcdonalds playland, I pulled becca out to see if she needed to go potty... noticed really squishy legs on her pants. (no diaper because she was trained, right?). Yep - that foamy kind of diahrea ALL over the inside of playland's slides. There was nothing I could do. She'd been in the ball pit, scooted down each and every knook and cranny of the play toy. And there were no paper towels in the bathroom!! (only airjet dryer for your convenience. hellooo!) There was no where I could hide. I rinsed her off in the sink in the bathroom, jet dryed her hiney and asked for the janitor to go check out the toy. We slinked off to our car and sped away. I feel so dirty just thinking about it. I vowed to never show our faces there as long as we lived.

Oh yeah, and once our cat caught and rat, bit it's head off, drug it in to lay it at our feet just as I was laying the baby down on the floor next to it. The world couldn't have invented enough lysol that day to appease my dry heaves and contant shivers of revoltion. SICK!

Aunt Laura's sage advice and wisdom - never visit McDonald's playland no matter how tempting the airconditioned toys beckon you. NEVER!!!


sarah said...
The life of a mother, isn't it horrible at times. I think dog poo is worse that kid poo. (Ashley, of course) Those stories made me laugh. Kids always find stuff to gross you out. Ashley came inside from playing outside chewing on something- a snail!! I was so grossed out.

THIS ONE'S THE KICKER

christy said...
Just so you won't feel so bad about the bird:

My friend Tami was with her son at the park when she noticed that he had something "stringy-ish" hanging out of his mouth. Upon further inspection, it was . . .





A DEAD MOUSE!

Yep, you read that right. That 'something "stringy-ish"' was of course the mouse's tail, which means the entire rotting corpse was in the toddler's mouth. Gotta love the age of putting things in your mouth.So the bird could have been worse! :o)

And I can totally feel for you on the nursery and toilet stuff. YUCK!

If any of you would like to contribute to this list, or possibly try to BEAT one of these submissions, you win. WHat? I don't know. I will surely thing of something. Have at it people!

p.s. honorable mention to Chelsea, who suggested I leave Max in a warm bath for a week (better make it hot, warm just makes all the bacteria multiply), Lindsey, who says this is why she no longer has children (although she never had children??), and Sabrina, who vomited in her mouth (that was the whole idea, so you're welcome). Love you.

Germs.

don't touch that.

You know, germs are a funny thing. We all have them, fear them, sanitize to prevent spreading them, yet we cannot see them or really know where they are coming from. Toys have them, I suppose. So do shoes, lollypops dropped on the floor, or anything that comes out of (or even near) the garbage can. If it falls out of or was ever inside one's nose, it has germs. If you cough on it, germs. But really, no matter how many times you wash your hands, they're everywhere, and you can never really be sure how your kids get them. 

Here are 3 occurrences this week in which Max has definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY been exposed to germs.

The first, and arguably worst offense:

On Monday while taking pictures of all our wild kids with Laci and Chelsea, I set max down in front of a cute brown door on an old brick building. there was grass dirt, little puddles and other miscellaneous clutter laying around. Which must explain why I didn't see it.

There I was, snapping away at my smiling round cheeked boy, watching as he leaned over and reached his little hand down so he could crawl away. My eyes followed his fingers, down past his new blue shirt, past his jeans, over some rocks and onto A DECOMPOSING BLACK BIRD. 

{cue gagging noises and dry heaves. in fact, feel free to throw up fully now.} 

How I didn't see it, I don't know, but I didn't.  None of us did. I guess it just blended in with the dark dirt. Anyhow. I saw it and gasped just as he set his chubby hand on that filthy germ infested piece of rot. Immediately I scooped him up and yelled to my friends 

"MAX JUST TOUCHED A DEAD BIRD!" 

I am sure this was followed by all other sorts of expletives and other such unrepeatables. I don't really remember, as I am still trying to blot the whole experience from my memory. Thankfully, my friends came to the rescue, offering a plethora of baby wipes and reassurance. I think the most comforting thing was Chelsea, who said, "Really Jessica, its okay if you want to cry right now. Because I probably would." The best part was that she was serious. I didn't cry (though I considered it), but after a few minutes, I did scream. I had to. 

Second offense. Of course, it happened at church, and of course it happened in the NURSERY. 

Danny and I BOTH work in the nursery at chuch. Why? I don't really know, but we do. We had it worked out so that during the winter flu, cough, cold, snot, GERM season, one of us would go to nursery and the other would watch Max. ELSEWHERE. But, spring is here, and we decided it was time for a fresh start. We both stayed in nursery with Max this week. Big mistake. He survived the madness, was tough when he got clobbered by a big kid (twice. on purpose) while he sat innocently catching the bubbles, he didn't cry when all the other kids did, he didn't even get upset when the other kids took his snacks. Success, we thought. Wrong. 

We were getting all of the toys put away, waiting for the last few stragglers to come pick up their kids. Max was holding a mini etch-a-sketch, the last toy to go into the basket. When I took it away, he freaked. Ooooooh he was mad at me. He wanted that etch-a-sketch. I bent over to pick him  up and noticed he was still clutching something tightly in his hand. I peeled open his clenched fist and saw a little brown clump of something. 

No. It can't be. 

I smelled. 

It is. 

He was holding a little piece of poo. I checked his diaper. Nothing. The poo did not belong to Max. Max's diaper was clean. I had just changed it myself. MY KID WAS CRUISING AROUND THE NURSERY WITH A HANDFUL OF SOME OTHER DISGUSTING GERM INFESTED NURSERY KID'S POO. 

Again, I announced it. Again, pandemonium. Check the other kids diapers. Nope. Dig through the toys? Desperately search for the hand sanitizer. 

The only thing I could think of was the smell. We had noticed it earlier in the day, but couldn't find our culprit. The smelly kid must have reached down for a scratch, then touched the etch-a-sketch. Can't think of any alternate scenarios. Don't really want to.

Last, but not least in terms of germ exposure.

Found Max splashing in the toilet bowl again this morning. 

Was planning on cleaning it later today. 

Awesome.

just for you, s.

I will seeee Easton's boogers and raise you one 

GIANT SNOT BUBBLE.

I hope you're having as great a day with your little sickies as I am with mine. =)