spenceandcass said...
Ava has been doing something really strange lately. If you didn't already know.... most 3 year olds pick their boogers and eat them...it's just a fact of life and I have finally learned to accept it. So lately when I have noticed her sniffing her fingers and then licking them, I really didn't think too much of it. Well one day last week I noticed her digging in her pants...scratching inside her bum....and then ....yep...you guessed it....she sniffed her fingers and licked them off! I said, "Ava! What are you doing?" She said, "Mooooom!, I'm just cleaning off my fingers!" So Jessica, get ready because this is definitely not the last nasty thing Max will ever do. I am sure of it!
Cassie, you win these!
High quality stuffed microbe toys for you and Ava to play with - the ailment collection! ***
You know if this is Second Runner Up, the rest are going to be BAD. Props to Yoga Cassie, because she shared one about her own offspring. That's why I gave her so many "sickness" dolls. They're like extra rewards.
If the next two stories ARE about their kids, they were too ashamed to admit it. I do not blame them.
First Runner Up:
sheena said...
"I really didn't want to tell this story....but now you're forcing me to. Luckily, it was not my son....I would've ran away. Or died.
My sis's friends 4yr old went in to the (public) bathroom stall by himself and came out with a tampon aplicator.....IN HIS MOUTH.
I'm sorry."
So am I Sheena. That's why I am giving you these:
a stuffed Hepatitus C *** (spread through body fluids you know)
and
The MRSA staph infection doll. Complete with cute vampire like cape.***
GRAND FIRST PRIZE WINNER:
I'm not going to lie, it was reeeeal tough choosing between Christy and Sheena, but this one got lots of votes, and she shared this story without even being asked. I hope you have a puke bowl handy.
christy said...
"Just so you won't feel so bad about the bird:
My friend Tami was with her son at the park when she noticed that he had something "stringy-ish" hanging out of his mouth. Upon further inspection, it was . . .
A DEAD MOUSE!
Yep, you read that right. That 'something "stringy-ish"' was of course the mouse's tail, which means the entire rotting corpse was in the toddler's mouth. Gotta love the age of putting things in your mouth.So the bird could have been worse! :o)"
Christy, I don't feel bad about the bird anymore. Not even a little. I also did not even bat an eyelash when Max ate a goldfish cracker off the floor at the Wilkinson center - BYU.
You Win!!!!!!!!
And the oh so coveted
The "menageries" set; namely Rabies, Mange and Heartworm ***
And the oh so covetedEBOLA VIRUS***
Thus concluding the GERM series.
I promise.
Thank you.
***all prized were won and given in the virtual sense. no actual, physical microbe dolls will be sent to winners. if you must have these babies for yourself, they are available at www.giantmicrobes.com***
[Christy approaches the podium, which is actually a pile of heavily lysol-ed board books set up in Jessica's living room. Her eyes are misty.]
ReplyDeleteWow, thank you all so much for this great honor [sniff, pause]. Growing up, I never dreamed of being here, or receiving a disctinction such as this [exhales deeply]. It is said that motherhood is an silent but important role, so I am shocked to see that it does in fact come with awards ceremonies!
First of all, I'd like to thank my family supporting me through all the gross times. To my Schmoop, I couldn't have done all of the diaper explosions without you. To Costco, for making cheap(er) sanitizing wipes. To Scrubbing Bubbles, for making a product to clean all of the nasty pink organisms out of the shower crevices. To all those poor, sweet animals who lost their lives in pursuit of this project, we, as a group of Moms, salute you.
I would also like to announce that I am going to donate my awards to Primary Children's Hospital. They helped my son to get well just after birth, and I have always [starting to cry now] wanted to be able to give back, even in a small way. I know that the amazing staff will know just what to do with these kinds of things.
Mostly, I would like to thank Brayden S., the wonderful little man who had the tenacity to place the [choke] dead mouse into his mouth. May you never die of a communicable disease spread by dead animals, poop, or otherwise. And to Tami S. [long, long pause], thank you for being my friend. [cut-off music begins to play, so Christy gets louder] We are all your friends, and we look to you as the ultimate example of a mom who was able to hold it together, even under the worst of circumstances. [Jessica begins dragging Christy away so they can get on with the play date].
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
I wonder who would actually buy these dolls?! Here's another fun set of dolls to check out if you need to give out another "prize"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.baronbob.com/pee-poop-plush-dolls.htm